I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
