Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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