Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
