so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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