what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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