He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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