no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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