Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
