my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
