There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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