dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
