At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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