You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
