As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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