Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
