I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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