He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
