so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
