just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
