just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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