Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
