I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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