careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
