Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
