Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
