dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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