you guys were way drunker than both of me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
