i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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