Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
