just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
