Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
