Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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