So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
