Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
