im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
