The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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