I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
thus making me awesome and them whores
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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