Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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