My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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