Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
