You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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