I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
