Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
