You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
