i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
