i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
