I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
