Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
