nut hugger
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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