I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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