'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
