listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
