my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
